It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
