im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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