the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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