Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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