WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if only i could text you this smell
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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