Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
