I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize