Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
