he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize