Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
