UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
