well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize