He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
