you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
