Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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