Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
