update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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