I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
