Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
