i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
