jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
