how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
