I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
