I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to stop coming to work sober
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
