Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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