Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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