Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nutella sex= disaster
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
