Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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