Your tits are I can't wait for
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
