Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think your dad took our porno
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They are going to name an STD after you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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