hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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