Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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