she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How does one acquire holy water?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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