Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
