he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
