The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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