Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
