You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
