it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
