I should be sponsored by Trojan
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
