I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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