Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
