I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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