perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
