I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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