I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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