don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
