it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
