just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
