I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize