Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
