So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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