this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize