Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
