She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
