Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
