I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
