i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
