I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
