Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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