before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
