My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
