i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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