My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
