i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
