We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize