just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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