Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
